The desire for perfection can creep into every part of our life. We want perfection for one reason – emotional stability. When everything in our life is perfect then our emotions are calm and we never feel the anxiety that comes from life changes or trauma. We want life perfection because we are afraid of how we will react to its imperfection. That upset comes in and we head back down that emotional rabbit hole. This is why some people lose lots of weight, achieve the perfection they were hoping for and then put it all back on. While they were losing weight their lives were emotionally stable, one of those brief times when everything is good, easy and we can relax the control. But life is never stable for long; it’s not supposed to be. A permanently stable life might sound nice but it soon gets boring. Only when we can learn to create emotional stability within us, no matter what is happening in our lives, can we lose weight knowing it can never come back.
We create goals to give us focus and direction, but often our goals can become our prison. When we feel anxiety about weight and diet, we begin to push at our personal goals whether healthy or not. This isn’t so we can get rid of the weight, but so we can get rid of the goal. The goal becomes the reason for the anxiety, and our mind drives us to find a way to be rid of it. This is where starvation and fad diets come from. We want to get the weight loss over with as quickly as possible so we don’t have to live with the anxiety of failure.
What if we changed our goals? Instead of fixing on numbers or images, what if we had goals like having a natural relationship with food, living the best we can, using our gifts, being happy, having perfect digestion and being full of energy? Surely these goals sound better than wanting to be 120 pounds or be a size 8. These goals create a life, not a body. They create a way of living that brings peace and happiness to every day, not stress and worry about constant control. Goals are not bad things, they focus the mind and they create action but never let the goal fight your true self because that way leads to anxiety and stress. A goal that is not natural to your mind or body, that gives you no pleasure, is like trying to teach an elephant to do circus tricks. It is unnatural and torturous. Decide now to never again put yourself through the same thing.
Extract from “Still Overweight? The 6-week course that changes your weight and relationship to food forever”