How guilty are you of sharing what you think about others, either in conversation or online, or even just in your own head? Is it something you enjoy doing, do you feel better afterwards, or does it stir some emotion that you can’t quite put your finger on? We seem to be turning into a world full of opinions and judgements, some harsh and cruel and some dangerous and threatening, but all with one aim; to make us feel better about ourselves. When we share what we think we do so from our own personal experiences, values, and beliefs. We measure someone else, often someone we don’t even know, against our own personal yardstick and find them wanting. We say they are wrong and we are right. She is fatter than me, she is not pretty enough, she doesn’t behave the right way or say they right thing, she doesn’t deserve that. At one time this kind of thinking only happened in the playground, now it seems there are as many adults doing it as children.
It is always the purpose of the judgement that causes the problem, not for the person being judged, but for the person judging. When we use someone else to feel better about our own insecurities we immediately create a state of anxiety in ourselves. Anxiety that says, ‘I’m better, aren’t I…’? Anxiety that says, ‘You reminded me of what I can’t have…’. Anxiety that says, ‘Why her and not me?’ And that anxiety doesn’t go away once the judging has stopped. It stays in that same place thinking those same thoughts all building up until only some physical action will take it away. This is where emotional eating steps in, changing the focus and numbing the questions.
But what if you stopped. What if you decide that you have no opinion about anyone except yourself? No thoughts about what someone else should be doing or what they should be wearing or how much they should eat. No measuring yourself against others, no comparisons, no more questions. What if you just let everyone be, do and say whatever they wanted to without your thoughts about it, without your opinion? Well, 3 things would happen;
1 You would have less anxiety and so less anxiety driven behaviour
2 You would have more control over how you feel and your emotional eating
3 You would focus on your life, what you want, and take back the ability to make changes. While you are so busy thinking about everyone else your own life and body are dormant, hardly used, waiting to be what they could be.
Doesn’t that all sound better? Wouldn’t it be a nice way to live every day? And imagine a world where everyone did that; no judgements, no opinions, so no anxiety or destructive coping methods to get rid of it. More positive action, more happiness, more power to everyone. So try it. Delete the apps, stop visiting the websites, stop the conversations, and let your life become full again.